J'adore....

Gosh, it sucks when you want somethings and you cant bloody well have them..Lusting over things can be a tadbit too exhausting..But yours truly shall wait. so for a while now, i've been cooing over some delicious buys...so for those of you out there who love me silly...Yes u can!!!

kurt geiger 'Heidi' brown courts platform

Tabitha Simmons 'Dusty' closed back sandals

Lulu Frost  'Navette Long' Earrings

Lulu Frost 'Navette Tassle'

DKNY 'Leather tote'

Filson 'Cotton canvas field bag'

Naughty Alice By Vivienne Westwood

....I still have more but for now...*sigh*


Gros bisous...

Guilty Pleasures.....Continued!!

Still no sign of Bode....heaving a deep sigh, i scanned round the dancefloor hoping to make eye contact with bukky the 'not so popular miss i know everybody ' but alas, she wasnt there,probably groping some random boy just to make bode green with envy, which was a waste of time considering the fact that he didnt exactly Fancy her...Girlssss!!!

At this point, I could feel a deep frown forming on my face, Maybe i shouldnt have come here...should have headed straight home after lesson, Dad won't be too pleased about my 'after lesson' rendezvous...So many thoughts running through my mind....Okay i'm leaving..That's it, this was a bad idea.I need to get out of here..

 'You look bored, not your kind of party'..a voice said

 'Sorry'...I irritatingly replied

I hadn't  batted an eyelash before she  replied ....'Hello, my name is kikelomo'...she said with a winsomely smile on her round face..

'Funlola'..I replied hastily hoping she would get the memo that i was in no mood for small talk..

Well..let's just say she didnt stop talking and yes our beautiful friendship evolved from that very day..it's been thirteen odd years , we dont necessarily agree on everything..kike is the adventurous, free spiritied one but  can still manage to differentiate between right and wrong..sometimes her split personality amazes me, in a good way tho....As for me, I'm neither here nor there...i try to do the right thing, at least i think i do from time to time.I like to think of myself as fun, lively in a quiet way..(dont know if that makes sense), even though kike has been prodding a lot in my business and she says i've become a bore and according to her my social life involves watching re-runs of soppy tv series and monthly retreat organized by my company.

Is she actually right, have i suddenly resolved to a reclusive lifestyle...hiding under the guise of feeling content and at peace within but different thoughts pouring through my mind...I feign a happy face in the midst of friends and family , put on a forced smile at every oohs and ahhs!!!..Sometimes i wish i could turn back the hands of time..undo the past...ended somethings before the idea even formed.

As i allow the cool heavenly breeze guide my thoughts , i remember the delicious nights at Hotel Balzac in Paris..His glorious laugh which rang out like bells on the night ..soothing yet deeply genuine, the way he pursed his lips when i refused to wear the Chopard earrings he got me to dinner at Le Pre Catelan..ohh he was intimidatingly imperious, insanely formidable, amazingly sweet, deliriously witty and yes yes Gorgeous...the way he cradled me in his arms when i moaned out a soft cry of bliss after the joyous lovemaking we had....He was my safe haven..

"Ma'am"...a disgruntled voice muttered continuosly...

"Oh sorry, lost in thought'....I said, with an awkward smile on my face

"We've reached the airport'...he said while getting out of the car to get my Goyard hand luggage..

As i opened the car door, my heart starts to beat ten times faster than it normally does...Am i doing the right thing..Can i ? should i?..Is this wise...I know someone who would be more than pleased if i went back home..*sigh*

To be continued.....

Guilty Pleasures...

I wrote this a while ago...last year actually, a random story about characters that don't exist....

“Funlola, I don’t think you should go”.kikelomo’ my bestfriend of thirteen years  tirelessly ranted over and over again  while flicking through the channels on the tv..oh lawd! Are we really having this conversation again??I thought silently to myself. It’s been two weeks and five days and I had countlessly told her it was a harmless three day trip to London.....H.A.R.M.L.E.S.S!!!!

‘What do you hope to achieve by going, things are still going to be the way they were, so don’t get your hopes high lavie’.....She bluntly shouted.

I sighed deeply and placed the tee-shirt i had folded in my suitcase and in my most heart wrenching voice i calmly told her ‘Don’t you think i know that..as much as i’m in dire need of a miracle right now, I really want things to be different’

But yeah, whatever!

While she laid on my bed with the huge grin on her pretty face, I weakly smiled and remembered the first time  we met at that groupie party my friend Bode who had a massive crush on me invited me to fourteen years ago..It all happened during summer school popularly known back then as ‘lesson’, I remember leaning on the rail by my class corridor with my ear phones on blasting to  the sound of ‘TLC’s Scrubs’ on my sony walkman  fervently hoping not to be disturbed by bode  whom I had  carefully managed to avoid over the weekend after his ridiculous attempt of writing me a love letter  which he had placed in a red envelope with love stickers  and handed to me as  I was about getting into   the dark brown Peugeot 504 whose horn was loudly blaring...Uncle Bala(my father’s driver) ‘s idea of a perfect entrance.............Memories!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Someone lightly tapped me on the shoulders and I pretended like i didn’t feel anything..until the unwanted stranger removed the 

earphone on my left ear and i knew it had to be him , he was the only one bold enough to do that, his idea of Over Familiarity....

I turned sideways facing him and innocently smiled,........I really wanted to frown hoping he’ll get the message and leave me the hell alone but knowing him, he was relentless and had the patience of a newborn.

“I know you’ve been avoiding me”…..he mumbled 

“And why would i do that”.....I teasingly replied

“You know why but we’ll talk about that after lesson”....he quietly said not wanting to be overheard by those walking by on the corridor.

“Okay”...I said

Glancing at my swatch , i silently hoped he would do the right thing a normal teenager would do which was to walk away when he was clearly ignored  or better still I needed a distraction from anywhere but nothing happened and i could hear my watch ticking fast...should I walk away,  I mean, it’s not like he broke up with me or anything, so why was my palm sweaty..It definitely had to be the heat, it just had to be...

“Lola, are you coming as well”....Bukky  ‘my lesson friend’ as i like to call her screamed while heading toward my direction, lorddddddd, that girl had the voice of a roaring lion, loud and ready to devour...

“Coming where”.I annoyingly replied  as I stared at bode while he mouthed something which was obviously drowned by Bukky’s  loud voice.

“The party now, the one happening after lesson.I thought Bode told you” she said while poking bode in the shoulder....everyone knew she had more than a crush on bode but he seemed unaware apparently...

Shrugging off her hand from his shoulder, with a ‘why did you do that expression ‘ on his face .he turned and said ‘A couple of guys are having a party after lesson and please don’t say you wont come”...

“I can’t”..i bluntly said

Why?....he replied

“I just can’t, what would I tell my father’s driver when he comes to pick me”...I said ,silently thinking of a million ways why I should go..It won’t hurt  and i could bribe Uncle bala ...hmmmmmm

After much persuasion, I finally yielded  .And as we drove to the party, i felt a slight rush of adrenaline,.Do I look presentable.. So I was wearing my black hipsters and a light green flowery top and my ever faithful ‘jelly’ sandals...was that appropriate for a party????..

We’re here, see you guys inside’.....bode  happily said as  he  quickly jumped out of the car for fear of being recognised  by the group of guys standing in front of the black iron gate  which happened to be the entrance  to the party we were going to.....Boysss!!

“Ma pe o(Don’t be late)”....Uncle Bala  said and then drove off. 

As I turned towards the gate, I firmly held bukky’s  hand  as we walked towards the guys at the entrance..Nerve racking, I tell you.there was a lot of ‘hey girls, babes  and whistling here and then , Ignoring them  we walked straight ahead and became drowned by  the voice of Notorious B.I.G  which was blaring loud from the massive speakers  placed by the sliding doors..It was a packed house, bode was no where to be found....Perfect!!! just when i needed  to cling to him  and pretend we were an item ...Bukky had lightly extricated her hands from mine, leaving me to myself......

To be continued...

Janette- I'll wait for you

so i've been thinkin of what to blog about...for all my beautiful dolls out there..i say no more..Listen and Enjoy!!!!.....LEARN LEARN LEARN...

So it seemed, that it was cool, fo cool, for everyone to be in a relationship but me..

So I took matters into my own hands… and ended up with him  

Him who displayed the characteristics of a CHEATER, a LIAR, an ABUSER, & a THEIF

So.. why was I surprised when he broke into my heart?

I called 911, but I was cardiac arrested for aiding and abetting,

Cause it was ME who let him in…

Claiming we were “just friends”..

It was already decided for me by the first date, that even if he wasn’t!

I was gonna make him ‘The One’..

You know… I was tired of being alone,

And I simply made up in my mind, that it was about that time so I decided to drag him along for the ride,

Cause I was always the bridesmaid & never the bride..

A virgin in the physical, but mentally just a grown woman on the corner in heat!

Who was tired of the wait!

So I was gonna make him ‘The One’.

He had a… form of Godliness… but not much..

But hey, hey I can change him! So (honey) I’ll TAKE him, I mean he’s close… enough

Ready to sell my aorta for a quarter, not knowing the value of its use to me

Arties so clogged with MY will, it blocked HIS Will from flowing through me

So, I thank Christ that His blood pressure gave this heart an attack,

That flatlined my obscured vision, put me flat on my back

Through my ignorance He sawed,

Through my sternum He sawed & cracked open my chest

TO transplant Psalm 51:10

A new heart & a renewed right spirit within!

So now I fully understand,

Better yet I thoroughly comprehend,

How much I NEED to wait… for You.

See, the bad thing is that I knew he wasn’t you from the beginning..

Cause in the beginning was the Word

And he didn’t even sound or shine like Your Son

Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks,

And all he could whisper was sweet, empty nothings –

Which meant NOTHING.

He couldn’t even pray when I NEEDED him to

Asking him to fast would be absurd

So forget about being cleansed & washed with water through the Word…

But I know You.. 

You were already praying for me

Even never having met me

Let me assure you, I will wait for you.

I will no longer date, socialize or communicate with carbon copies of you

To appease my boredom or to quench my thirstiness I have for attention

And short-lived compliments from ‘sorta kindas’.

You know…. He ‘sort kinda’ right, but ‘sorta kinda’ wrong?

His first name LUKE,

His last name WARM.

I, I won’t settle for false companionship

I won’t lay in the embrace of his arms,

Attempting to find some closeness,

But never feeling so far apart cause, I just wanna be held

Cause ”all I gotta do is Say” No!

NO more ‘almost sessions’ of ‘almost coming close’

Passing winks & buying drinks,

I’m a, I’m a, I’m a flirt!

Who flirts with the ideology of,

‘Can you just tell me how much I can get away with & still be saved?’

NO more.

I’ll stay in my bed… alone, and write poems, about how I will wait for you

He won’t even come close,

Our fingers won’t even interlock

We won’t even exchange breath

Cause I have thoughts that I’ve ‘saved as’ in a file that God has only equipped you to open.

I will no longer get weighted down,

From so-called friends & family talks,

About the concern for my biological clock

When I serve the Author of Time.

Who is NOT subject to time,

But I’M subject to Him,

He has the ability to STOP, FAST FORWARD, PAUSE, or REWIND at any given time…

So if we could role play,

You would be Abraham & I would be Sara

Or you can be Isaac & I can be Rebecca – a servant’s answered prayer

I am bone of your bone, flesh of your flesh,

Made up of your rib Adam

And once we meet, like electrons

I will be bound to your nucleus, completely indivisible atom.

We even speak the same math: 1 + 1 + 1 = 3, which really equals 1 if you add Him.

We were all created in His image,

But you have the ability to reflect, project & even detect the Son.

If I were to explain what you looked like,

You would have to look like a star,

A son of the Son..

I would gain energy simply from the light on me.

I would need you , in order to complete my photosynthesis

I await your revelation, but once again from the genesis, I will wait for you 

And I will know you… because when you speak I will be reminded of Solomon’s wisdom,

Your ability to lead will remind me of Moses,

Your faith will remind me of Abraham,

Your confidence in God’s Word will remind me of Daniel,

Your inspiration will remind me of Paul,

Your heart for God will remind me of David,

Your attention to detail will remind me of Noah,

Your integrity will remind me of Joseph,

And your ability to abandon your own will, will remind me of the disciples,

But Your ability to love selflessly & unconditionally will remind me of Christ.

But I won’t need to identify you by any special Matthews or any special Marks,

Cause His word will be tatted all over your heart.

And you will know me, and you will find me,

Where… the boldness of Esther meets the warm closeness of Ruth.

Where the hospitality of Lydia is aligned with the submission of Mary,

Which is engulfed in the tears of a praying Hanna.

I will be the one, drenched in Proverbs 31… waiting for you.

But to my Father, my Father who has known me before I was birthed into this earth

Only if you should see fit…

I desire Your will above mine,

So even if you call me to a life of singleness,

My heart is content with YOU – the One who was sent.

YOU are the greatest love story ever told,

The greatest story ever known

You are forever my judge & I’m forever Your witness

And I pray that I’m always found on a mission about my Father’s business

Oh, I will always be Yours

And I will always wait for You Lord, more than the watchmen wait for the morning…

More than the watchmen wait for the morning… I WILL WAIT

xoxo lovelies..

Feel Good Sunday....

Not to be a dowdy old mistress, which i'm not by the way...Life is too short, amidst all d drama, failing to cease issues..I'm still reminded of my heavenly father..he will never leave me, things my prove difficult but i know there's a light at the end of the tunnel and he'll always make a way where there seems to be no way..It's 12.30 am( sunday)...Halleluyah somebody!!!!...currently on my playlist ..'Regina belle- God is good...For your listening pleasure..

Stay Blessed and have a fabulous sunday..

xoxo

Forgiveness...

Scattered thoughts like pecan and almonds icecream toppings...amidst the whole listening to r.kelly, nonsensical tweets via web, disgusting rumble from my belly..No i'm not having the time of my life..For starters, I'm starving ..too lazy to cook and yes my conscience keeps pricking me..I keep having this thoughts about a particular someone..

Suffice to mention the cliched 'To err is human, to forgive is divine'...but really is forgiveness really that easy, i know as christians we shouldn't harbor thoughts of malice and we should also have a forgiving spirit  but why is it really so hard to forgive and forget..Someone hurts us and we kid ourselves that we've forgiven that person, truth is we still make reference to the things they have done.I keep asking God for the strength to forgive but it's just so hard, i'm constantly reminded of the hurt/betrayal and the only thing that keeps popping up is Revenge Revenge...According to a not so recent study 'people who nurse  thoughts of unforgiveness, revenge are liable to have increased heart rates and high blood pressure'...and yes i kid u not as i type this post, I can feel my heart beat and i feel very fuzzy..question is ..is it from accumulated anger , irritation and annoyance towards that person???...

I wanna forgive so bad, i need grace but it's not easy , it hurts when at some point u used to love/ appreciate someone but now you  don't even like them....*sigh*..or maybe u still like them but ur mind is clouded with so much hatred u find it difficult to think about the fab times u guys had.....Lord help me!!

Is there a way to go about forgiving someone???...Is it really possible to forgive someone and totally forget all their wrongdoings???

Thots..Thots ...Thots!!!!!

Interesting..yes /no??

Sweet Nothing!!!!!..

So for the past three days, I have experienced the famous 'writer's block'...nothing to write/vent about.. i woke up this morning listening to rihanna's 'Loud' album and as they say idea is need, so i thought to myself..why not write a/an  not so interesting post on Men' and yes while doing that i randomly thought about the men in 'fani's little world..the unlucky sods, not so popular ones and the sweet albeit slightly annoying ones who wont just go away..why though??..oh well!!!...let me digress a bit and speak the gibberish language...I'm the type of person who doesn't put everything into a relationship, like for me there's a solid Plan b'..what's plan b??...okkk, plan b is that space in my heart where all the necessary flooding hurts, rejection, tears, sadness etc stay and yeah that part is totally unfeeling and stone cold...how u ask??..well..lets just say i create some sort of distraction so i avoid the 'mooning ' period..Yes!!!..it's totally silly and no one should have to do that, it ' Worked' for me then, but i'm  changing all that...Amen


A lot of you might call me mean , even though i slightly agree with you..i'll make it clear that i Refuse/Wont settle for less..i'm not saying that my not so many boyfriends weren't fantastic but i just never saw that 'Future hubby' thingy in them..for me, future hubby isnt just someone who comes home with the kids screaming 'daddy daddy' all over our lush 'four bedroom terraced house'..i'm saying it's deeper than that..I want to be loved sillyyy...there are so many things i wanna say to that 'right person'...my darkest secrets, my fantasies, dreams and all, someone who accepts me for being me...Like i'm not part of that school of thought that believes 'Material stuff' must form the basis of a relationship, in as much as we all want 'the comfortable/well to do' man but really is it just about that.

Call me mushy or anything but i want to be loved every single day of the rest of my life, as in i've been through so much not have a man who would dote on me silly, a man i can spill all the things i've always wanted to tell someone...Look, i'm not trying to be religious or anything cos i'm sure i can feel some people scrunching their aristocratic nose in the air or probably mumbling 'who is she fooling with this'..But i shall forever stand/live by Matthew 7:7-11 (7. Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you, 8.For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened....9 Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone? 10.Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent? 11 If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?)

So really, why should i settle for less when my heavenly father has everything in control...As i said from my previous 'Mes Amis ' post, I live on positivity..Just because it didn't work for some people doesn't mean you won't find the right man ..i am tired of people's incessant rants about how there are no good guys there...Please just hush hush hush....there are guys out there looking for their own right woman, nobody said it would be easy, to get what you want you have to pray fervently, seek and you shall find..it's not just meeting the right man and then stop praying , in everything we do we need God's direction, strength and wisdom for a sustainable relationship. and please stop pointing those accusatory fingers just on men alone, have u sat down, reflected on your own life, most of us  have terrible bad habits i.e anger, intolerance, dishonesty. etcetera....hmmm, I smell the ' ohh she thinks she's perfect'...I laugh at that thought already, Me..Perfect????...*snorts *...Err...Maybe when pigs fly, i don't even wanna talk about  my many bad habits..If i could turn back the hands of time i would change so many things but hey, the did has been done...no point crying over spilled milk..(Live and Learn)....

I've been single for a bit now and trust me i'm so working on improving myself, in the midst of my 'self professed independence' i have learnt to be patient which i find thoroughly overwhelming....I wouldn't say that i'm an angry monster but in the past my not-so many boyfriends i've spoken on the 'anger' issue..I'm learning to be more tolerant, a good listener and also being attentive to other people's needs, and i'm not saying that Guys are perfect as well cos if you ask me there are so many ill mannered morons out there who just wanna shag you, deceive you and treat you like a piece of shit.. a lot of us know the obvious but would still settle for less, like seriously why do we do that..we've suddenly decided thats the only man in the world..who told u that big fat lie??...If any man treats you like shit why do u even feel the need to give him a chance, such man should be flushed down the drain or tossed in the bin cos all i see/smell is GARBAGE GARBAGE GARBAGE...life is too damn short to give urself unnecessary heartache because of some crackhead, if he ain't treating u right ..press the Delete button'...such man shouldn't be given a second thought. ....I'm not saying that it'll be easy, it's not late either..if someone keeps abusing you emotionally really why should u be in a relationship with that person when you can save yourself the energy /stress of being fully committed/married to that person....I recently spoke to an older person who said to me that if she could turn back the hands of time she wouldnt have married her 'then' hubby, she knew the relatonship/marriage was doomed from the start but she just kept hoping he'll change or some miracle would happen .*sigh*...Sometimes we keep asking God  to save us from entering the wrong relationship and Yes he answers...He does!!!!...u r in a relationship and u start to see the bad side to a man u claim to love, the truth is right in front of you but no u decide 'being maltreated ' works perfectly for u..so really who is fooling who???...the signs are there but u still deny urself happiness and yes misery suits you perfectly like a size 8 herve leger bandage dress..Tut tut tut!!!


Enough of the ceasless rants, it's doing my head in already and i might just shove my hands down my throat and Vom ...Please we need to stop limiting ourselves, the right man will come whether u choose to believe it or not...I soooo Believe!!!..I deserve it and so shall it be...The 'Independent phase' should serve as a medium to enjoy life, pay attention to yourself, work on yourself and learn learn learn learn..I have nothing more to say that share this beautiful quote by Domenico Cieri Estrada.."To know when to go away and when to come closer is the key to any lasting relationship".


And yeah....it'll be totally  unkind of me not to share rihanna's 'Raining men'....it's up to u really...Suffer in silence or be a free beautiful rainbow lorikeet'....

Gros Bisous..xoxo

Jennifer Hudson.....

Even though i still think she looks deathly ill with her new bod, I guess it's really not my cup of tea what she does with her bod...anewais , for those of u who don't know  J.hudson, she was a contestant on american idol, sadly she didn't win but hey she had /still has a powerful voice..the sorta voice that gives you the chills...u might know her from' dream girls'...don't tell me u didn't see that as well...*sigh*...well she has a new album out now called "I remember me" which is totally brilliant..it's an album filled with longing, it makes u wanna yearn for something, it makes u want to believe in love all over again and it's very soothing...As usual being the not -so music guru that i am, I already have my fave..(Yay)...for ur listening pleasure...

Gros bisous..

Mes Amis...

So being my random self, i've been doing a lot of ardous thinking  which is totally unhealthy by the way..not necessarily with regards to 'Friends' but generally different issues in my life. well, not to digress, the question is what kind of a friend am i?..well for starters, if i could re-live my life, i'd still want to be my own friend..I go out of the way to please people just 'because'..The chosen few that i have, let's just say i love them to bits..Even when i'm in an uncomfortable situation whereby it's my last 20 pounds, i'd rather give it to my friend that needs it .Not trying to blow my own trumpet but truth is 'I'm very nice'.Not to focus much on the monetary aspect...so for a while now i've been going on and on about 'True Friends' bla bla.

Last night, on my way back from church, had this conversation with cocoa and Tee and i randomly asked them if they had friends who weren't necessarily bad but deep down within, you just knew you guys aren't meant to be friends...well, what am i driving at??..I like to think i've made a number of friends over the years, the unlucky ones have gone while the beautiful ones remain..okay!! let me explain this..I had this friend who i became chummy with by coincidence, I wont call her my closest friend but yes i have confided in her at some point but truth is she seems to be affilliated with negativity, in as much as she has her good days but with her it's just drama drama drama...PAUSE!!!!!....let me just say this, a lot of people might not know this but i live on 'Positivity'..it keeps me going, it has been my strength over the years, even when i'm faced with issues i like to think at the back of my mind that everything would be fine.....So back to my friend,it wasn't like i decided to cut her out of my life, truth is i really cant explain it but somewhere, somehow i just knew she wasn't the kind of friend i needed to have around me. so a while ago she sent me an email practically lambasting the living daylights outta my life...according to her, I like to think everything is perfect in 'fani's little world' .I mean this is a friend whom i met like 2 years ago , so i was rather perplexed as to why she'd think i was perfect..i mean  do we really have perfect people out there...I mean she said so many things which i'd rather not say but what i'm trying to say is that why do some people find it difficult to move on with their lives..After all, 'Friendship isn't by force, it's by choice'..

 I'm not a cold, heartless bitch..I mean if i could turn back the hands of time i'd want to tell a particular friend that i've totally forgiven her, even though we might probably never be as close as before But i still cherish the good times we have.I love the few friends that i have , they are practically my sisters and i'm forever thankful for them, each day i pray to God and ask him to make them virtuous women, women of change cos they've been too good to me.

And No this is not a BFF day, but i'd like to use this medium to appreciate a good friend of mine 'bb'.she's practically like my family, even though i don't necessarily tell her everything but the little that i tell her she perfectly understands,she's someone i can call a true friend , she's been there for me in times of need and i'm forever grateful for the affection, love and honesty shown to me everytime..I love u maami.


...Ramblings!!

Joyeux anniversaire Cocoa...

Today is cocoa's birthday....Yayyy!!!... wishing her all the wonderful things life has to offer, wishing her another year of laughter, joy, fun,surprises, love and happiness...

Gros bisous...x

BagAholic....

......Bags Bags Bags!!!!..

-

Marc Jacobs Baroque Quilting Minetta Shoulder Bag: The Classic Chanel, Redux

Tory Burch "Louisa" Messenger Bag

Tom Ford

Loro Piana Bag

DKNY Fall 2011 Runway Bags

Balenciaga Fall 2011 Bags

Alexander McQueen Wicca Bag

......*sigh*